Resource List

Updated: August 2026

That is heavy work. If you find yourself overwhelmed, unable to function, or stuck in a loop of self-harm, please reach out. You do not have to do this alone. The following resources are curated for survivors of complex trauma, domestic violence, and those navigating the intersection of kink and healing.

Crisis & Immediate Support

  • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 (USA & Canada) for free, confidential support 24/7.

  • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor.

  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788. They are trained in coercive control and trauma bonding.

  • RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or chat online at rainn.org.

Finding Trauma-Informed Therapy

  • Psychology Today Therapist Finder: Use the filters to select "Trauma and PTSD," "EMDR," or "Internal Family Systems (IFS)." Look for therapists who explicitly mention "kink-aware" or "non-pathologizing" if you are navigating alternative lifestyles.

  • The Kink Aware Professionals (KAP) Directory: A listing of therapists, lawyers, and medical professionals who understand BDSM and alternative relationship structures.

  • Institute for Creative Mindfulness: A directory for therapists trained in EMDR and trauma processing with a focus on creativity and somatic healing.

Recommended Reading & Workbooks

  • The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, MD: For understanding how trauma reshapes the brain and body.

  • Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker: A compassionate guide for those who grew up in abusive homes.

  • Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher, PhD: Excellent for understanding dissociation and "parts" work.

  • Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson: For recognizing the subtle dynamics of emotional neglect.

  • Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski: For reclaiming a healthy relationship with sexuality and desire after trauma.

  • The Wounds That Love Made by Diane Langberg: For those grappling with the spiritual fallout of abuse.

On Coercive Control & Healthy Dynamics

  • Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft: Essential reading for identifying the mindset of controlling partners (applicable to self-reflection as well).

  • The New Topping Book & The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy: Foundational texts on ethical, consensual power exchange.

  • National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF): Advocacy and resources for safe, sane, and consensual BDSM practices.

Remember: Reading about healing is not the same as healing. Be patient with your nervous system. You are rebuilding a house while living in it; it’s okay if it’s messy for a while.